Adam turns 1!

Adam turned 1 on the 8th.

I still have a hard time grasping it.

1 year.

Looking back on the challenges of the year and of course the challenges before he came into this world, it brings me speechless.

1 year ago, we were preparing for one of the hardest and most emotional days we could imagine. Here are some of the memories that keep swimming around in my head: Bub met us up at the hospital for a blessing. It was wonderful. I remember sitting in the chapel on the Labor and Delivery floor so nervous and not being able to put a complete sentence together. Then Bill and Bub put their hands on my head and Bill gave me such a blessing. I still hold parts of it close to my heart.

Adam was really "quiet" that morning. The labor wasn't bad and it seemed like he was saving his energy to fight the battle to come.

The blue partition. If you haven't had a c-section before, then you really wouldn't understand the frustration and annoyance which is the partition. I know there are some out there that are happy it is there, but I'm not one of those. With James Dr. Huggins didn't even put it up. It was so great. I was relaxed, so relaxed they didn't strap my arms down.
Oh, strapping my arms down. Not for the claustrophobic. a big blue partition and you cant move.

They kept putting the mask on and saying my blood pressure was dropping too low. I would look at Bill and roll my eyes. Then he would say something to the effect of "you need oxygen to breath so it has to be on." Then he would hold my hand tighter.

Holding my breath. Actually, I think it was more of I didn't think to breathe.

Knowing he should be out and making noises, seeing scrubs moving fast around my head and seeing the look on Bill's face. I'm sure it was a mirror of what mine looked like.

Knowing he was out and still not hearing anything except the nurse telling me I have to keep breathing.

The tiny cry as they were passing him through the window to the NICU and the tears that followed.

A really annoying alarm that kept going off and more reminders to breathe.

Fading in and out until I recognized the voices of those wonderful people in my recovery room.

More alarms, more nurses telling me to breathe and being shaken when I didn't respond. One of the clearest memories I have is laying there on the bed thinking to myself "this is cool. I don't need to breath. I don't even want to. Wow. I wish they would turn off that noise, its annoying."

Not breathing to panic attacks because no one was telling me what was going on with Adam and Bill.

Mindi coming in and letting me know he was okay, Bill was with him and they were giving him oxygen. 

Seeing his IV in his head and holding the tears back, willing myself to stay strong.

4 hours of skin-to-skin in the NICU. Watching his SATS go from constant concerned monitoring and high oxygen, to being completely free of everything all in 4 hours.

His first feeding, 16 hours after birth.

Waking up in a panic because he wasn't in my room and then biting on my tongue so I didn't cry.

Visitors!! All the visitors were a more welcome sight then you'll ever know.

Nancy and Kristen, all the way down from Idaho with a butterfinger shake and so much love.

Cookies!!! Big, soft, loaded with frosting, flower shaped sugar cookies. All I have to do is think about them and I crave.. CRAVE!! them. I did share one of the 4 cookies with my nurse. I think Bill may have had a pedal or two. Thank you Laura!!

Hours and hours rocking, feeding and talking to Adam in my little curtain covered corner of the intermediate nursery.

The overflowing feeling of gratitude when we were told he would be discharged with me.

 If ever we need a reminder of the miracles and grace of our Heavenly Father, all we have to do is look at Adam.